Substitute Blogging

Starting tomorrow, we officially begin our fall routines with Jonah's first day of Pre-K which means back to blogging ritual. I think. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

If I had blogged in the past TWO MONTHS it would've looked a lot like this....

[The Cannon's Canon]*

Please enjoy. I about wet my pants reading about my own life. Stephanie, you have a gift. :)

Advances in Parenting

I feel like I haven't had the freedom to post about random things because of Bear being in India and the importance of being his prayer cover. My friend, and unofficial family photographer, Stephanie is going to Ghana on Thursday and I'll be on duty once again so I'm taking advantage of this window to catch you up on the latest advances in parenting.

Occasionally we'll get magazines in the mail that we apparently unofficially subscribed to once I birthed children. One Step Ahead is one of these publications. It's a catalog of all things new to the parenting arena...especially those that are supposed to make our job "easier". I always get a kick out of what I see, especially in the safety category. Like first-time parents aren't freaked out enough without actual products to validate them?

For instance, what is your first reaction when you see this?

Kid at the morgue, anyone? Did you know that if children don't sleep in the appropriate position that it can lead to all sorts of health problems and even....death??!! Whose toddler sleeps like that?! Jonah flops around like a fish out of water whenever he sleeps with us so I know he's not sleeping in the "appropriate position". Someone call DFACS. And this?

This is a tube to test if items would choke a child. It's the same size as a child's airway so you can see if the item will lodge itself as a choking hazard. Really? You can't look at a pair of dice and think, "Hmmmm, maybe my infant shouldn't eat these?" Of course, I've had "Pregnancy/Nursing Brain" and wouldn't underestimate anything that a new, sleep-deprived mother would forget. But still, let's give us a little credit.

One of my personal favorites is this little gem-

Is that kid not just set up for embarrassment come high school or what? He's got on a helmet and knee pads. Because crawling can be such a contact sport. I can see this in the football program senior ad right next to the five-point racing harness with full roll bar in his first car. What I don't get is the same publication that markets the above to fear-driven parents is the same publication that sees fit to also sell....

Shouldn't these items come with a helmet? Do you see how much air that kid on the trampoline is getting? He's about to flip over that little handlebar thingy! Right now I know that those who know us best are thinking, don't Bear & Kristen have those things? No, we don't. Who needs them when your Daddy is the ultimate jungle gym?

(I know we have better pictures than this one but it's the only one I could find on the computer. That's Bear holding Jonah up over his head. I wish it was full length but you get the idea.)

I'm not saying that this magazine isn't a total loss. I'd love to equip every bathroom with one of these babies.

I can't count the times that we've had an indoor snowfall since Esther Grace has gone mobile. Notice how these parents have deterred their toddler from unraveling the toilet paper but not from scribbling on the walls. Or is that wallpaper? This entire post has been leading up to the one thing that disgusts baffles me the most. It is labled as a BabyComfyNose Nasal Aspirator (yes, all one word like that). It replaces those little blue bulbs you get in the hospital.

Ewwwwww. As first time parents, our nurse at the hospital emphasized in an extremely forceful manner that we were to NEVER under any circumstances blow air into Jonah's nose while clearing his nasal cavaties (i.e. getting his boogers out). You are ONLY to suck air out with that little blue bulb. So what, I ask you, is this woman doing? Ewwwwww. Here's the description with my own commentary added:

Looks Weird [Ya think?], Works Wonderfully!

Would we carry this if it wasn't totally amazing? [Well, I've seen the rest of your magazine, so yeah.]  This parent-powered aspirator clears stuffy noses more effectively (and less invasively) than any bulb or gadget we've tested. And YES it's hygienic: it's physically impossible to draw goop up the tube. [Suuuure. Ever heard of a straw?] Unlike other versions, [There are other versions?!] it uses tissues, not replacement filters. Choose Blue or Crystal. Dishwasher safe. For health reasons, we can't accept returns on opened packages. [I thought you said this thing was hygienic?]

There's even a customer review...

"It really works. It's just amazing! I'm going to tell everyone I know about this product and buy them as baby shower gifts."
-Pauls Valley, OK

If we ever have another kid, remind me to never invite anyone from Pauls Valley, OK.

Seriously??

Bear and I went out to eat Thursday night before his trip to India. It was such a treat for us to go out without children! My mom watched the kids and we went to Madison's Icehouse...which is under new management, by the way, and not as great as we remembered. It may have been our last visit. Anyways, when we walked up to the front door we saw this:

Seriously?? I mean, what does one do with a stolen cat? And why are there needed cats at a restaurant in the first place? Do they have that bad of a rodent problem or are they just being proactive? Weird.

He also saw this on his way home from work earlier that same day.

You know the poor girl stuck driving this thought she was getting a cool, cute company car. Little did she know....

The Greatest Story Ever Told

I got this from my friend, Amy, and had to share! I'm a bit jealous of Mrs. Jesus though...she got to have her baby while she was sleeping. No fair. Of course, I'm not even about to trade parenting woes with the mother of a Perfect Son. I can't even imagine the bath & bed times let alone trying to get ready for going to the synagogue for worship. At least it's not just Mommy messing up in the Keeling household- everyone gets to participate! I wonder what Jonah's answers to these questions would be....

Don't forget to pause my player!

Dr. Keeling, Logophile

I have a weird and uncanny talent with words. The daily routine with infants and toddlers can get rather monotonous without some type of distraction. I offer what I can with my odd monologues that relate to whatever we're doing at the time. This goes way back to my teaching days. I've acquired many an eye-roll from kindergartners putting up their bookbags to my annoying inspiring tune of the day. Other word lovers have made millions off of their obsession with vocabulary.

Take Dr. Seuss for example. I can rhyme. Just this past week, I made one up in the shower.

Jonah Beanie

Trampolinie

Squash, Banana, & Zucchini

Had a happy Halloweenie

On occasions is a meanie

But those times are oh-so-teenie

Treats his sister like a queenie

He's the best kid on the scenie

That's our big boy, Jonah Beanie!

Jean Feldman, known as Dr. Jean to teachers world-wide, makes her moolah off of writing songs to familiar tunes. Got that covered. In the hospital when I had Esther Grace, I couldn't believe that a kindergarten teacher was naming her child something with 11 letters! (Do you know that Pottery Barn limits their monogramming to just 10?) So, I had to quickly remedy the situation.

(To the tune of "Mickey Mouse Club")

To spell your name is so much fun!

It's easy as can be-

E-S-T   H-E-R

G-R-A-C-E

Esther Graaaaaace, Esther Graaaaaace

We're so glad you're part of our family! (Yay! Yay! Yay!)

There's a girl who can't be beat

so spell along with me, oh-

E-S-T   H-E-R

G-R-A-C-E

And not to leave Jonah out.....

(To the tune of "B-I-N-G-O")

There's a boy that once you know

You'll never be the same.

J  O  N-A-H

J  O  N-A-H

J  O  N-A-H

And Jonah is his name.

Honestly, this takes me all of about 2 seconds to come up with and is quite a normal occurrence in the Keeling household. (Much to my husband's chagrin.) So. Where's my million, huh? I think I've earned my doctorate in child-rearing alongside all the greats. Of course, their's probably didn't come smeared in dried oatmeal and Desitin.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Earlier today, I had the joy of fellowship with the leaders at BSF. One of the leaders shared a silly story of what her granddaughter said at church and I just had to share!

The leader had been asked to preach Sunday at her church so her daughter and two grands came to hear. During worship, the congregation sang "Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow". The leader turned towards the cross and raised up one hand as she sang. (She said that she wishes to raise two but is afraid she'd scare everyone half to death! Apparently, her church is very conservative!) Her granddaughter observed this and turned to ask her mother,
     "Why is she raising her hand like that?" Her mother replied,
     "She's praising God." To which the grand responded,
     "No. I think she just has a question."

Well- Who better to ask?

Later in the service, her youngest grand went to Children's Church instead of staying in "Big Church". One of the teachers asked her if she wanted to stay to hear her grandmother preach.
     "No, we're going over to her house later today," was her answer.
     "Oh. You'll hear her preach then?" asked the teacher.
     "Always do!"

Now, that's the kind of "Nonny" I want to be! What about you? Don't you want the children in your life to know that they will always hear the Word of God from you, whether they're looking or not?! I love it!

Real Life Application....for a 3 Year Old

Okay, so after this hard week God figured I could use a laugh. I've been studying Isaiah (yes, you'll probably hear about this until May when my study ends) and this week was over chapters 7 & 8. God warned Judah that if they didn't repent, He was going to send in Assyria to straighten them out, whip them into shape, and give them a big time-out. Keep in mind that's in the KKV- Kristen Keeling Version. Well, in Isaiah 7:20 God tells them:

"In that day the Lord will use a razor hired from beyond the River- the king of Assyria- to shave your head and the hair of your legs, and to take off your beards also."

I always review the lesson with Jonah before we go on Wednesday mornings. (It's the teacher in me.) After washing, he wanted to stay in and play for "a bittle bit" so I went and packed up all my things for Bible study in the morning. When I came back into the bathroom, this is what I saw.

 

Don't tell me God's Word isn't relevant! (I'm just thankful it's a plastic razor. Can you imagine what he could've done with Bear's electric clippers?!)

Jonisms: The Photo Edition

"Jonah Rockets"

"Pillows"

"Mothsp"

"Casseen"

(formerly known as "Bubbles")

"Moozie"

"Breakfast"

Let's Lighten Things Up!

Okay, I just realized that the past two posts were so serious. My life is not that depressing! We've been so busy and my dad's internet card has been broken, hence the lack of posts. Here's some random Esther Gracie-ness for you..........

This is what greets me everytime I take a shower. The face of an angel.....

If Snow White had an apple, does this make me 'Stinkerella'?

I don't know what her fascination is with my onions, but they are Vidalias. A true southern gal!
Enjoy your Thursday!